Numbers Have Feelings

by Jack J. Berry
  • 10 minutes
  • 1M/4M or F

Fable, Farce, Young Audience, Fantasy, Middle School


What if numbers could feel? Does a number feel diminished when it is subtracted? Originally written for a math-tutoring business open house, this short script is perfect as a classroom or meeting diversion.


Enter Quantity Below

  • Review Script 6.97 Watermarked PDF Download
  • Multi-Copy PDF 39.79 Printable PDF for Cast/Crew
  • Class/Group Study 39.79 Printable PDF for Multiple Copies

Performance Fee $15.00 A Production License Fee Per Performance (mandatory for all performances)

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Play Details


Why shouldn’t number have feelings? And what happens when they do? Are larger numbers better than small? Or do good things come in small packages. Visit this conflict as numbers vie for their emotional space. Jack J. Berry takes this numerical comedy right to the edge of farce.

From the Play

The Cast:

ZERO: Males/Female, moderator of the group, used to being in
ONE: Male/Female, a long-time friend of ZERO, who likes to correct
PI: Female, has been coming to the group a lot, sarcastic, easily
E: Male/Female, a bit discouraged & downhearted
I: Male/Female, individual of mystery, others aren’t sure how to take at first

Stage Requirements: 5 chairs arranged in a line (front-to-back).

Numbers Have Feelings

As the play begins, ZERO enters the room and moves the chairs to form a semi-circle facing the audience and then sits in the middle chair. ONE then enters the room showing obvious displeasure at the new seating arrangement but resignedly sits in the chair to ZERO’s right. The remaining 3 characters drift in with various levels of enthusiasm. PI has the highest, E is more subdued, I is even more tentative.

ZERO: OK, looks like a small subset today. I think I know just about everyone here. But let’s all introduce ourselves and say something about ourselves that most of us don’t already know.
ONE: I’m ONE. My confession? ONE is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do.
PI: Let the pity party begin! Just because you’re ONE does not mean you get to go first. You don’t have a singular problem anyway.
ONE: (Muttering) Oh, go to infinity.
ZERO: We ALL have issues we’re dealing with or we wouldn’t be here, PI. Don’t be a divider.
PI: And why are you always in charge, ZERO?
ZERO: I’ve been told I’m unbiased and…
ONE: What he means is that he has no absolute value and adds nothing to the conversation.
ZERO: Hey, I’m also right in the middle of the number line.
PI: Yeah, I notice the chairs are set up just how you like ’em.
ONE: We used to set ’em up MY way.
ZERO: And that didn’t work, remember? Too much back-biting. Please — let’s not get off on tangents – at least not to that degree. We have only 60 minutes at most before the kids are back from recess and we have to get back on the line.
PI: I know how it goes — kids need exercise — “Play 60”. But I don’t want a bunch of heavy-breathing, sweat-dripping kids near me on the line. (Muttering) Paste-eating, constant fighting, pants wetting, fart lighting…
E: Excuse me, PI, I think you’re being irrational here…
PI: And who are you?
E: I’m E.


  • White River School, 14th November 2022

    White River School, 14th November 2022

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